250 things

I got pointed to this by krolain. It's Great! 250 THINGS MR. WELCH CAN NO LONGER DO DURING AN RPG GAME.

My All-time Personal Favorites!

106. I do not have weapon profiency in cat.
190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.

Honorable Mentions

6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
59. Not allowed to pose the Netrunner in embarrassing positions when he's on a run.
68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"
143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
149. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory.
154. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.
155. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.
169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
179. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.
189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
209. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.
210. My Antipaladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuk.
222. Druids are not against my religion.
231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
247. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am to assume he intends for me to keep it a forest.
248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.